Feminist Coming-Out Day

Today is Feminist Coming-Out Day*. It's a day where feminist bloggers and other feminist writers everywhere will talk about how important feminism is, why it's important to identify yourself as a feminist, and why feminism is relevant today.

But I won't.

Today, I decided to talk about why I'm not a feminist. Or rather, why I'm not a Feminist™.

Before I continue, allow me to clarify a few things:

First of all, feminism is important and it is relevant to today's society. There are however, different kinds of feminism out there. First there is feminism: The idea that women should be given fair and equal treatment in regards to all things including, but not limited to, the right to body automony, the right to equal pay for equal work, and the right to be seen as more than a sexual object. (This is, of course, an extremely abridged version.) Then there is Feminism™: The active participation of individuals who seek the feminist ideal. However, in order to become a Feminist™ one must adhere to a specific set of ideals. La Lubu gives the best definition of Feminists™ in a comment thread at Feministe:

“The feminist blogosphere is: young, but not too young (25-35); mostly
white (and of northern european extraction); middle to upper-middle class;
highly educated (always degreed, usually grad school or law degree); able-bodied
and healthy; non-religious (but typically with a Protestant or Jewish
background); childfree by choice (also not a caretaker of an elderly or disabled
adult); body size from thin to very thin; cisgender; heterosexual;
conventionally feminine/pretty; fashionable; not employed in a nontraditional
(>25% female participation) workforce; native English speaking (family of
origin usually native English speaking also); non-indigenous and several
generations removed from immigrant ancestors; raised in a nuclear family (either
intact or divorced—but not “unwed” or extended family); lives in a large
metropolis; favors capitalism; unmarried/unpartnered (meaning: no formal or
legal ties of responsibility to a partner); never incarcerated (no family
incarcerated either); and has plenty of personal contact with people in
positions of actual power (gets invited to policymaking
meetings/summits).”

So, what about those of us who don't fit all of those descriptors?

Keep in mind that none of this has been explicitly stated in Feminism™. There is no sign saying, "You must this white/straight/educated/etc. to enter." What La Lubu was referring to was the erasure that Feminism™ often engages in. In the fight for women's rights, Feminists™ often forget that oppressions intersect, that one woman's truth will not be another woman's truth, and they also forget that one woman's outrage may be another woman's choice.

For example, several years ago I was on a Yahoo! forum about general new items of the day, and somehow, the topic of feminism came up. (Unfortunately, the forum has since been deleted due to an infestation of trolls.) One woman declared, very emphatically, that she is not and will never be a feminist. I was shocked because all of her previous posts revealed a progressive point of view, and I had even agreed with her on most points. As I said, this happened a few years ago before I discovered the many facets of feminism and Feminism™. I had thought she was responding to the stereotype of the "man-hating feminist", so I took her to task: "If you value equal rights for women, I'm sorry but that makes you a feminist." She then told me about how a group of Feminists™ had confronted her at the strip club where she worked as an exotic dancer. They told her she was degrading herself and all women. They had also assumed (wrongly) that the reason she was doing it was as a subconscious response to being sexually assaulted at a young age.

Feminists™ often have a view narrow view of the world and, for a group that detests stereotypical images of women, a narrow view of what a woman should be. They believe that a woman should have agency over her own life, but often claim that women who choose traditional roles for themselves are naive or are being brainwashed into colluding with the patriarchy. Feminists™ also believe in "Women/Womyn first!" but when asked to support a WOC in the fight against racism or to support trans or intersexed persons in their fight for equality, they become silent. When confronted about their own unearned privileges, things can get really nasty, really quickly.

Even though I'm not a Feminist™, I stil believe in feminism. I prefer to call myself a womanist. Alice Walker is quoted as saying, "Womanist is to feminism, as purple is to lavender." But for me, womanism goes deeper than that. Womanism isn't just Black women's feminism; it's about intersectionality. Black women are oppressed by racism and sexism. Some Black women are also oppressed by homophobia, ableism, transphobia, fatphobia, classism and religious persecution. Not only must be vigilant against all types of oppression suffered by Black women, we must also consider the trials faced by our Asian and Latina/o brothers and sisters at home and abroad. It's not enough to say "Women First!" when the voices of all women are not being heard.

I'm not very good with conclusions, so I'll just close by saying the same thing to Feminists™ that feminists and womanists have been saying for decades:

Get your shit together.

*Is it just me, or does appropriating the phrase "coming-out" seem tacky?