Insults v. Catcalling: The Most Offensive

JuJuBe from My Name Is JuJuBe and The Intersection of Madness and Reality recently did a guest post over at Womanist Musings called "The Street Harassment Experience in a Fat Body" in which she states:

I have a confession to make. As embarrassing as it is to admit, particularly in this forum, I feel like I have to share, particularly after watching the recently posted video regarding street harassment. I am just going to come right out and say it. For all of the women who experience cat calls on a regular basis while walking down the street, I have something to tell you. I am envious.

Yes, I understand that for you, being the object of public harassment is painful. And, I am sure I would feel totally different if it were happening to me on a regular basis. But, I have to be truthful....when I hear your stories, I often wish it were me.

See, I am used to another sort of harassment on the street. I am used to being called out for being the fat girl. I am accustomed to dirty looks and stares because I do not fit into the standard image of beauty in this society. I have been screamed out from moving vehicles. I have been given the finger and called all sorts of names. I have had soda thrown at me from a car window. Because I have the audacity to go out in public in a fat body.

...

I would never tell a woman that she is wrong to be offended by catcalls or men approaching her on the street to beg for her name and number. But, I simply do not understand it, because it is so vastly different from my own experience. And part of me, the part that has been told over and over again that I am worthless because I am “unattractive” is quite a bit jealous.

Being a fat woman myself, I've also been subject to insults, namecalling, and harassment. And, I'm ashamed to admit, I've even felt a little jealous when I was shoved me out the way so that a couple of guys could get a better look at my younger (and smaller) sister. I do understand the pain that she's feeling. Society tells women (and men) that only one type of physical beauty is acceptable, and that if we don't conform to that type of beauty we lose value. However, whether it's catcalls and lewd stares or insults and bullying, it's all about the privileged class trying to assert its power.

Bullying and street harassment are both very triggering subjects for me, but I want to give you an example of how this sort of thing screws up your sense of self-worth: Throughout most of my children and into my adulthood, I was teased, laughed at, insulted, and bullied about my weight. Some of it came from strangers, classmates, and some came from my own family. And it hurts. It hurts like hell, and it's not something that's easily forgotten or easily forgiven, especially when you turn on the TV or log onto the Internet and every other advertisement is for a Miracle Weight Loss Cure!!1!!11 that is guaranteed to get rid of all of your "ugly, bulging fat" and make you ***super-attractive!11!!!*** This type of bullshit is driven into our heads constantly - that the only way to live a happy and fullfilling life is if we looked (and acted) a certain way. This type of shit eats away at you, so when you see or hear about someone being sexually harassed, you might think that that sort of attention could uplift your spirits. After all, if he didn't think she was pretty, he wouldn't have shown her that type of attention. At least, her beauty is being acknowledged, while mine (if there is any beauty to find) is being trampled on, spat upon, ignored, and thrown away. Right?

I'm not saying that JuJuBe is wrong for feeling that she does, but we all need to recognize that having those feelings puts the power back into the harassers hands. Sexual harassment, like any form of sexual abuse, is not about sexual desire; it's about power, the desire to control someone that is perceived as being weaker. It's awful when we get pushed down so much that we feel we need acknowledgement by abusers in order to feel attractive.

Despite my size (or maybe even because of it), I've also been sexually harassed. Having experienced both forms of abuse (and that's exactly what they are - forms of abuse) I would never put one experience over the other. It isn't fair to even contrast the two, especially when there are women out there who have suffered greatly from all types of abusive situations. Fat-hatred and street harassment cause fear, humiliation, pain, anger, depression, and other long-term and short-term effects. If you were hit by and car and broke your leg, and the person in the hospital bed next to you got their broken leg from falling from a ladder and then tells you, "I wish I had broken my leg from getting hit by the car" what's the point in that? You still have the broken leg!

I apologize if that last example was too simplistic, but I think it illustrates my frustration. I know it wasn't her intent, but JuJuBe's post made me feel as though she was privileging one form of harassment over another. The only ones with privilege in either scenario are the harassers.