'Bout damn time, huh? ^_^ Sorry for the delays, y'all. I'm in serious need of something upbeat and fun after dealing with this mess. (What the hell would I know about racism anyway? I reeeeaaaally want to grab MouseAnony by the shoulders and shake out the stupid... But then she'd probably be dead cuz that's all that's there.)
Anywho, let's get this started. My picks for the Top Female Cartoon Geniuses are:
Sandy Cheeks (Spongebob Squarepants): "I'm Texas tough!"Sandy is one of two characters who inspired this list. (You’ll meet the second character in a later post.) I had wanted to do a list like this ever since my post on the Disney princesses, but it wasn’t until I was watching an episode of Spongebob and thinking about Sandy as a character that I decided to go ahead and start.
The first time we meet Sandy, she’s fighting for her life with a giant clam. Spongebob jumps in to help her, but in the end, Sandy is the one doing the rescuing. Aside from being no damsel-in-distress, Sandy is also an award-winning scientist and inventor. Some of her inventions include a space shuttle, a teleporter, and the invention that gained her a promotion with Treedome Industries and secured further funding for her to stay in Bikini Bottom – an automatic nutcracker/banana-peeler.
Although she has the brains and the brawn, Sandy is far from perfect. She’s proud, reckless, and extremely arrogant. (“Ain’t nothin’ too big for me to handle!”) But really, who could blame her? She’s the smartest, ass-kickingest creature in Bikini Bottom. If you’ve got it, flaunt it! Sandy is, however, a good friend. Whenever her friends need her, she’s always got their backs. Even though she's proud of the fact that she's an S.R.I.T.S., (Squirrel Raised In The South. Get it? Get it? nudge, nudge; wink, wink) she proclaims Bikini Bottom to be her home, sweet home.
Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons): "Believe in yourself and you can achieve anything!"
What’s there to say about Lisa Simpson that hasn’t already been said? For the past 20 seasons she’s been an inspiration for both girls and boys. She’s talented, extremely intelligent, and not afraid to speak her mind. She’s a very vocal activist advocating for civil rights and the environment, and against animal cruelty. She also went against the grain and became a vegetarian and a Buddhist despite her Christian, carnivorous family.
Another endearing trait about Lisa is that, underneath it all, she’s still just a little girl: She watches cartoons, is awkward around boys. She struggles with the adolescent need to fit in, yet still maintain her individuality. Because of this, she has a more than difficult time making friends. Lisa is a character that one can identify with and look up to.
Also, who doesn’t love a little cutie-pie in pearls?
Edna Mode (The Incredibles): "I designed for gods!"Edna was [thisclose] to being put with the Honorable Mentions. Then I watched The Incredibles for the millionth time and decided there was no way I could leave her out. For the short time she appears onscreen, that little dynamite grabs your attention and gets a stranglehold on it.
Edna deserves recognition, not only for skill with which she makes the costumes for the supers, but for the attention to detail she puts toward her craft. Edna Mode is an engineering genius! She constructed a costume for Jack-Jack that was bulletproof, fireproof up to 3,000°F, AND machine-washable! Her costume for Elastigirl is able to stretch up to 30 ft., return to its original shape, AND “breathes like Egyptian cotton”!! Anyone who has ever worn Spandex or Lycra knows that that alone is a dream come true!
Being a genius is all well and good, but what pushed Edna to the Tops list was the scene where she smacked some sense into Helen and told her to stop sniveling, get out there, and bring her man home.
Edna loves what she does and she’s damn good – beyond good! – at it. What’s not to love?
Daria Morgenorffer (Daria): "...I don't have low self-esteem. I have low esteem for everyone else."
Before that night in
Paris…Before Britney’s breakdown…Back when Lindsey was still cute and Miley was barely a twinkle in Billy Ray’s checkbook…There was Daria.
During the early nineties when Music Television actually played music – and not just during their shows’ ending credits – MTV decided to experiment with adult-oriented animated programs. Its viewers were rewarded with the bounties Liquid Television, The Max, Aeon Flux, and of course, Beavis and Butthead.
Daria had a small supporting role in the aforementioned Beavis and Butthead. (Usually her scenes went along the lines of her calling Beavis and Butthead stupid, then the moronic duo made fun of her name: “Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha! Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha!” (Believe me; it was hilarious at the time.) Someone, thankfully, had a place in their heart for our lovable introvert and decided that she needed her own show.
Daria’s quick wit and stinging sarcasm was a refreshing draught compared to the blind obeisance with which many teenyboppers followed their favorite boy band or pop tart. She saw through the world’s hypocrisy, materialism, and outright idiocy. She called people on their shit and didn’t care whether they wanted to hear it or not.
Another reason to love Daria – and what gave me hope for my non-existent social life – is that she showed that nerds could find love. Yes, I know that a woman’s ability to get a man IS NOT what makes her a good woman. But in a society that surrounds us with ridiculous, fascist standards of beauty, it’s refreshing to see that the girl with the glasses and the old, thrift-store clothes gets past her own insecurities and opens herself up to a relationship. To this day, I remember the cute scene when she gets out of his car and sneaks a kiss before closing the door.
If there was ever a time when we need a “Daria”, it’s now. With so many female celebrity "role-models" (quotes intended) ending up in the gutter, it would be great for the young and impressionable to have something to turn to.
Damn, I miss her.
Dr. Paula Hutchison (Rocko's Modern Life): " 'Kay?!!"
I admit this one is coming way out of left field, but hear me out:
Remember the original Nicktoons? They were four cartoons that aired Sunday morning because no one else had ever thought beyond Saturday to broadcast their toon lineup. The original four were “Doug”, “Ren & Stimpy”, “Rugrats”, and “Rocko’s Modern Life”. Like many cartoons during the nineties, they were produced with children and older audiences in mind. Two scenes that stick out for me are “R & S’s” balad of the Canadian Kilted Yaksmen and the one where Rocko gets a job working for a “specialty” phone line. (I’m lol-ing at this moment as I think of Rocko saying nonchalantly, “Oh baby. Oh baby. Oh baby.” YES, this was on Nickelodeon!)
When we first meet “Hutch”, she’s a dentist at Filbert the Turtle’s dental school. She makes a pass at Filbert, but he lets her down easy. In later episodes, Hutch appears as a veterinarian, plastic surgeon, and a cashier. Talk about marketable talent! Also in future episodes, she and Filbert start to date and he eventually proposes to her. Unfortunately her mother, The Widow Hutchison, is NOT accepting of their relationship and does everything she can to break them up. Hutch refuses to let her ruin her happiness. The two marry and have quadruplets – Dilbert, Norbert, Gilbert, and Missy.
Interesting fact: Hutch almost wasn’t. During a press conference, a reporter asked the creator of the show Jim Murray, why there weren’t any positive female role models on the show. He answered that there isn’t and there won’t be because they were just cartoons, not people to emulate. Somebody from the studio pulled him aside and said that it might be in his best interest to make such a character. She apparently told him: “Y’know…someone with a good hook.” Murray took it literally, and created the hook-handed Jill-of-all-trades Doctor Hutchison.
‘Kay?!!
Honorable Mentions
Disclaimer: Many of my HM’s are not due to the fact that they aren’t good female characters or role models. Most of them are here because, unfortunately, their characters weren’t fleshed out enough by the writers and given a more three-dimensional personality.
Penny (Inspector Gadget)Pros: Had the world's first notebook PC. Solved the mysteries originally given to her clueless Uncle Gadget. Cree Summer voiced her the first season.
Cons: Always let Gadget take the credit for bringing in the bad guys. always let her dog drive. (Why is a dog more capable of handling a car than a little girl?) Cree Summer didn't voice her after the first season.
Max (Batman Beyond)
Pros: She's a techno-wiz who used her hacker skills to figure out Batman's identity and become his kinda-sorta sidekick. Has awesome pink hair. She's a sistah!
Holla!Cons: That's about all there is.
Gadget (Disney's Rescue Rangers)
Pros: Can make anything out of anything, including a workable, rodent-sized airplane and a computer with parts she found in the trash. Is a bit of a scatterbrain which makes her doubly cute.
Cons: That's about it.
Dr. Lucy Carmichael (Rugrats and All Grown Up)Pros:
Pros: Harvard-educated doctor. Studied in France at Le Cordon Bleue and became a chef. Artist who can make Tiffany-style lamps unrecognizable from the authentic versions. Also manages a household with 4 kids.
Cons: That's all there is. (See what I meant in my disclaimer?)
Velma Dinkley (Scooby-Doo)
Pros: Is the brains behind Mysteries, Inc. Is cuter than Daphne. (That's right; I said it. Wanna fight about it?)
Cons: After all these years has never thought to by an eyeglass strap.
Ed; aka: Radical Edward, Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV, or Francoise Appledehli (her birth name). (Cowboy Bebop)Pros: Computer genius and galaxy-renowned hacker extraordinaire. Prefers a tee-shirt, short-shorts, and going barefoot to something cutesy or girly. Is definitely NOT
moé.
Cons:
That girl ain't right.
Princess Azula (Avatar: the Last Airbender)Pros: A strategic genius at warfare. A firebending prodigy. Extremely competitive. In the episode "The Beach" we see that, beneath her blue flames of death, is a socially awkward teen who tries (unsuccessfully) to get a boy to like her, despite her royal heritage.
Cons: Psychotic. A perfectionist. Psychotic. Has no familial loyalty except to her father. Psychotic. A pathological liar. Psychotic. Watched gleefully as her father burned her brother's face. Psychotic. Extremely jealous. Psychotic. Did I mention she's psychotic?
Well there it is, Part the First! Comments? Questions? Flames? Be my guest!
Next up: The Supers.
